To begin with, yesterday was my birthday. It was a good birthday, despite the oppressive heat and the working 7 hours that filled most of it. I woke up with my girlfriend, who has decided to allow me to call her Cecelia (not her real name), and she kissed me good morning. I brought her breakfast, and we enjoyed that. She gave me a mix CD that she’d made, and a vase of fake flowers, which she has promised to transmute into real ones soon. She’s also apparently ordered me something that required my wrist size, but because I kept forgetting to measure it it’s going to be pretty late.
Work was good, except for the fact that I was on a mega caffeine high, which never happens considering that I don’t have blood in my veins, but coffee. I felt crazed, and I thought I was going to wind up on the ceiling before long, staring down at everyone with wide, bloodshot eyes. The second half of the day, I was grouchy with withdrawal, but the infinitely wise powers that be at the office put me in the cage reorganizing old monitors and hauling buckets of cables to tech trash, so I couldn’t put anyone off with my ill-tempered muttering.
Last weekend, I went home to keep my mother company (my dad was on a motorcycling trip, and my sister was at a friend’s cabin), but when they got back we celebrated my birthday. I got, among other things, a Kindle, the sickest headphones that ever lived (SK Pro Sparkle Motions), and a pair of Sperry’s! The Kindle is my baby; I go everywhere with it. Literally. When I’m at work, I take it with me to the bathroom—that’s how much I love it. Not sure why; I’ve always been someone who loves the feel and smell and heft of books, but something about this gadget calls to me. Maybe it’s the fact that I can carry ten books and more around with me at a time, though I’m only reading one of them…ahhhh, I don’t know. I just love it.
As for the headphones, they are SICK.
And the Sperry’s…well, they’re beautiful. They’re a rich brown leather with tan laces, and very, very comfortable—as someone who doesn’t like to wear shoes in the summer, let alone socks, but is required to by her job, they’re an excellent compromise, and because they’re slip-ons I can sort of fudge it if I’m on a desk shift…until my boss walks by and yells at me. My only complaints are that a) they’re attempting to tear a hole in my right heel, and b) they somehow manage to vacuum up dirt from wherever I am (the ground, a carpet) and suck it right into the shoe, which is, as you can imagine, annoying. But other than that, I love them, and I can’t wait until they break in, because I’m sure they’ll be mega-comfy, wonderful summer shoes. Plus I can wear them with my khaki Dockers for something a little more formal than sneakers, but not so formal as my dress shoes. So, as I always said to justify buying something to my mother, they fill a gap in my wardrobe. Plus they make me look like the preppiest prep that ever prepped, and Cecelia likes that.
After work, I got a haircut that made me look like a bro, put on a nicer shirt than my “Nerd Herd” shirt, and we went to the Cheesecake Factory, where C treated me to a wonderful dinner. Then we went home and did wonderful things that you don’t get to know about.
All in all, I feel incredibly…gifted. Given to. I don’t know…I don’t think there’s a good word for it. I’m just grateful. Last year at around this time, I wasn’t sure I was going to see my 20th birthday—I hadn’t even believed I’d see my 19th, just before. I thought the depression was going to take me. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to see either of those birthdays. But since, I’ve been given reasons to keep going to see them—and the next one, and the next one, and the next after that. I live for C, for my parents and sister, for my friends, for the marriage and children I hope to have someday, for the job I hope to have, for the books I want to publish, for the life I hope to live. In the words of Dan Savage’s excellent campaign, things DO get better. They have already done so for me, and I hope they will continue to improve. From here on out, it’s only up.
Plus next year, I can legally drink!
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